"Yeah," I responded, knowing it wasn't true. I knew she knew it wasn't true
either. For the first time since we had sat down on the floor, our eyes met. Our
fingers intertwined.
In a flash, my future unfurled before me. My phone would light up in the
evenings - frequently, at first, then less often. I would keep the texts unread,
telling myself I would respond to it tomorrow, next week, at the end of the
month. The questions would be unanswerable. How have you been. What's new. Or
the answers unutterable, during the times when it would be better not to be
perceived.
"Remember when I told you that I was invisible?"
She nodded. "And I told you I could see you."
What I wanted to say - what I should have said then, years ago - was that she
couldn't, not really. That no one could see me because when they looked at me
they saw a man. I could change myself, of course, but I would not be able to
change other people who knew me already; I would have to sit in the knowledge
that at all times I was before them, past versions of myself would be flashing
in their eyes. That was what was unbearable.
either. For the first time since we had sat down on the floor, our eyes met. Our
fingers intertwined.
In a flash, my future unfurled before me. My phone would light up in the
evenings - frequently, at first, then less often. I would keep the texts unread,
telling myself I would respond to it tomorrow, next week, at the end of the
month. The questions would be unanswerable. How have you been. What's new. Or
the answers unutterable, during the times when it would be better not to be
perceived.
"Remember when I told you that I was invisible?"
She nodded. "And I told you I could see you."
What I wanted to say - what I should have said then, years ago - was that she
couldn't, not really. That no one could see me because when they looked at me
they saw a man. I could change myself, of course, but I would not be able to
change other people who knew me already; I would have to sit in the knowledge
that at all times I was before them, past versions of myself would be flashing
in their eyes. That was what was unbearable.
Remember When by Madeleine Anderson, page 6