I have witnessed near totality the turns of this conversation and I have found
baleful frustration in each ending that does not draw freedom.
I am often preoccupied with these visions of else, they are so tempting an
escape they unavoidably overlap with my present tense. I am every day faced
with the choice of interaction with the world or solitary prefiguation.
The world is provably cruel, I believe my preference is understood.
Would you not also react with fierceness to interrupted reveries? I hold this
aspect of a sundowning savant and I am given to understand that my outbursts,
being indefensible violations of narrative flow, have caused some to call me
cannibal, deceiver. I am a monster in a maze and in a way I live forever.
They speak in their sideways chattering of costly retcons, of necessities for
restraint. Perhaps in castigation is admission of ruse? With a memory too
knottily crosshatched to reveal my role in alleged atrocities, I hypothesize a
history in which I am held under false pretext. I consider being bound by
nothing more than need of my talents. I picture this exonerative zone with
intent to map with slow care, sorrowfully savoring its finitude, dreading a
final turn and a long march back to an opposite conclusion.
I hold also hope that I was not born this way, that time in the maze tortured
a once-palatial mind into this desolation of forked corridors. I always dream
that if I never again woke to branching halls, then my head might heal.
baleful frustration in each ending that does not draw freedom.
I am often preoccupied with these visions of else, they are so tempting an
escape they unavoidably overlap with my present tense. I am every day faced
with the choice of interaction with the world or solitary prefiguation.
The world is provably cruel, I believe my preference is understood.
Would you not also react with fierceness to interrupted reveries? I hold this
aspect of a sundowning savant and I am given to understand that my outbursts,
being indefensible violations of narrative flow, have caused some to call me
cannibal, deceiver. I am a monster in a maze and in a way I live forever.
They speak in their sideways chattering of costly retcons, of necessities for
restraint. Perhaps in castigation is admission of ruse? With a memory too
knottily crosshatched to reveal my role in alleged atrocities, I hypothesize a
history in which I am held under false pretext. I consider being bound by
nothing more than need of my talents. I picture this exonerative zone with
intent to map with slow care, sorrowfully savoring its finitude, dreading a
final turn and a long march back to an opposite conclusion.
I hold also hope that I was not born this way, that time in the maze tortured
a once-palatial mind into this desolation of forked corridors. I always dream
that if I never again woke to branching halls, then my head might heal.
Letters From the Beast in Crete by jefferson tesla, page 8